Packing on the ounces

When I get the full script I will ask how babies' birth weights and lengths are determined. As well as how mothers' milk supplies are, as well as breast milk fat content. For me, those few questions have been extensively thought about with every baby. 
  Size is somewhat determined by mother's health but some part isn't. My babes are average, 6 pounds 6 ounces to 7 pounds 15 ounces. I am not huge, but neither am a small, but my babies are average. I had a friend whose last babe was 10 pounds 15 ounces. The mom is super healthy, and smaller than me. Just interesting. Plus all my kids had small heads, which get proportionate as they grow, but start small. Thank heavens.
 Milk supply is once again a challenge, more so than ever before. I don't know what I did or didn't do, if anything, that made this go around so much less adequate in this department. Little Zach started off 7#12oz. Perfect. But by 2 weeks was only 7#10oz and at 1 month was 7#12oz and at 2 months (and this was after a month of nursing EVERY 2 hours during the day) he was only 8#12oz. Each of the other kids also dropped to the bottom 5-10 percentiles at some point, but it was usually at 4 or 6 months, not 1 month, and Zach was down to the 0.3 percentile at 2 months. Talk about stress and feelings of failure and inadequacy and all those other negative emotions. I have done almost everything that sounds reasonable and somewhat proven to help, More Milk special blend tincture (the most awful thing ever, especially since it's not the alcohol free one, so it burns!), non-alcoholic beer (for the hops, also quite gross, why does anyone drink that stuff??), oatmeal, tons of pumping, wearing Zach when possible, having him in our room at night... It's helped but man o man. To be one of the women who don't have to worry about making enough milk to satisfy your baby. Most of the time we nurse, give a supplemental bottle (with extra formula powder for extra calories to catch up some of the missing ounces), and than I pump. At one point Zach wouldn't nurse at all, oh that was pleasant, incessant screaming when I tried to nurse him. So that is greatly improved, he'll nurse half the time I try to feed him, but he still screams at other times and refuses to nurse. If only he realized it would take less time now to nurse than make a bottle and in the long run he'd get the milk he wanted if he would nurse now. Good luck reasoning with a 12 week old, right? But I have to remind myself that it could be worse, he could not want to nurse at all, he could refuse to take a bottle at all, he could refuse to drink formula at all, any of which would impede our packing on the weight attempt. We have gotten him to 10 pounds 2 ounces as of Monday. We are hoping for a steady 1 ounce a day gain, which seems supper easy compared to the 2-2.5 ounces he's been putting on daily with all our interventions. At 1 oz/day he'll be well above Sean and Julia at 4 months. So he'd be going up the scale instead of down, and could end up the biggest one yet.
 And fat content, what is up with that. As a pumper I see my milk fat layer on top, it's pathetic. I make skim milk. How do others make cream?? What determines that the 10#15oz baby gets cream and the 7#12oz baby gets skim?? Is there anything to be done to inject fat into the milk?? Is it even possible??
  Part of me says this isn't my fault. I didn't try to starve my baby. But part of me recounts all the things that might have contributed... that darn pacifier, not wearing Zach all the time like I thought I would this time round, not pumping long enough initially, the birth control pills (I can do a bottle right now, but not another pregnancy, don't judge), my tired and depleted body, stress, four other kids at home... the list could go on.
  This has been rough and will continue to be work until he's eating food food, that's when all my kids started picking up weight. Renting a good pump, weekly support meetings, nasty tasting medicine, they will continue longer. Is it worth it? I hope so. I hope it's not so overwhelming that that's all I remember when I think about these months. You do what you can but man, sometimes it's a little too much, almost.

pictures.. yeah

0 to baby in 2

  I was so sure we were having a little girl. But again, I was wrong, we had a little boy. He still doesn't have a name yet but he's perfect otherwise. He sometimes gets called Sean and other times Buddy. We have one more night to figure out the name thing before we have to go through the whole ordeal of changing a blank birth certificate and doing the Social Security stuff ourselves so we really want to get it chosen; picking names is so hard for us, always has been. That's one reason a girl would have been easier, her name was set. But that wasn't the plan, I just didn't know it. I am thrilled for this little boy in our family. I knew that the Lord would send the right spirit into our family and I still know that and am so grateful for that assurance. I am also grateful that Sean will have a brother and Joe will have two little boys to do all those scouting things with. Three boys two girls, it's just the way it should be.
  So here is the story.
  Last Wednesday I had contractions all day but they were not too bad and far apart. I was bummed as I had hoped a little girl would be born that day. Thursday I woke with much stronger contractions closer together. I was thrilled. I was so ready to be done being pregnant. I wasn't 100% if it was really labor or not and I had an appointment at 1115 with my OB so I kept going back and forth whether to just wait for the appointment or go to the hospital. But the thought of not getting to the hospital in time for wonderful pain management won out and so we went at 9. Of course once we got there the contractions slowed down. But they took us up and hooked me up to the monitor. And then when the nurse checked to see where I was, she announced 0, well maybe 1/2. Seriously. I was so frustrated and a little embarrassed quite frankly. How could all those contractions do NOTHING!!! I was at this same point at my appointment the week before. She kept me hooked up to the monitor and over the course of an hour or so the contractions slowed and lessened even more. But the nurse noticed the baby's heart rate decelerated during a couple contractions so she left me hooked up and called my OB. My OB knows my crazy labor history and so wanted me to stay longer and also do a contraction stress test. A CST is where pitocin is administered just to produce three contractions in ten minutes so that the baby' reaction to the contractions can be better observed. The intent was NOT to induce labor. So onto an IV I went, which is always a struggle against rolly polly veins, and it was again. I have some nice bruising to show for it but at last I was on and the pit was going, only one unit mind you. Then it was a timing game. The baby monitor slipped out of place right away and didn't pick up the first few contractions unfortunately because I would have been done in maybe 15 minutes, but after those first 15 minutes I was at a rate of three in eleven minutes, AGGHHH. Then, as it always goes, it changed on a dime.
  So the CST started just about noon I think. The timing is still a bit fuzzy. And I was at 1/2 maybe. Well after an hour of the CST I finally got the three in ten, well it ended up being five or six in ten minutes at the end. So the pit was stopped. (The baby's heart rate would drop during many of the contractions.) The nurse checked to see if any progress was made towards labor, though that was NOT the goal. Well surprise surprise, not really when you factor in the pain of those later contractions, I was at 5+. Really. I thought Thank goodness. But that wasn't good because there was no standing order for an epidural and the nurse had to go call my doctor and then get the order then get the anesthisiologist, get the paper work signed and all that and I was almost at 6 which is not good for me. By this time I knew that the baby was coming, I have done labor sans epidural before and I was feeling all that pain again. I was hurting something fierce. I could barely stand the contractions. I know everyone feels them differently, I feel like my pelvis is being ripped apart and my hip joints stabbed with firey skewers. I could barely sit as I was prepped for the epidural. I could barely breathe and was getting a little tense with everyone and when the nurse pushed the baby monitor against me I wanted to scream at her because of the pain. After getting "numbed up" for the epidural and having to wait for a horrible contraction to pass I could feel it was too late for the epidural even though they continued to try and go through with it. But whether she didn't give me enough or if she didn't even try, I don't know, all I know was that there was no relief and I couldn't then relax enough to lie back on the bed.
   From trying to do the epidural till birth of baby was 15 minutes. It was awful. Way worse then with Molly. This baby was bigger and the pressure was worse and it was awful. I just was so not prepared for THIS labor and delivery. Thankfully there was a need for speed and I could hear that in the doctor's voice when she said "You have to get this baby out, push". And three pushes, which was actually a lot for me, and HE was out. That was quite a surprise.
  Fast forward to today, Monday. Baby boy finally has a name, Zachary Caleb. It took until today to pick it. We had a hard time picking it out. Even Sean can say Zach which is super cute. And speaking of Sean, he has been soooooo good. No problems no jealousy no issues whatsoever. I was so worried but everything has been good so far. The girls love the baby and Cassidy can't get enough touching him. Molly will come around but isn't obsessed (thankfully) and Julia is cute with him.
  We are now a family of 7!!! That is NUTS.  
  ...

No deja vu

   For those who aren't familiar with Molly's birth story, here's the reader's digest version. Three and a half weeks before her due date we went up to the mountains for Christmas, with the plan to come home the day after Christmas. I hadn't progressed at all before we left Monday, but she decided to come on Thursday, which was Christmas Eve. I was at the "hospital" for 10 minutes before she made her debut. It was a great Christmas vacation, and if you are going to be born Christmas Eve you better have a good story to go with it.
  We decided to go back up to the mountains again for the July 4th weekend, despite my being 34-35 weeks along. My in-laws have a place in a little town that puts on a killer fireworks display and it's a tradition, usually, to go up there. So we woke up at 445am July 4th to make the 4 hour drive and not hit major traffic. With kids we average 4 1/2 to 5 hours to make the trip, but going so early we got up in less than 4 hours. Woohoo. We didn't have to stop, there was no crying, barely any talking at all actually (that would be because the two older girls went up with the grandparents a few days earlier), and such a great trip. Those with kids can appreciate the miraculous road trip that will forever be the platinum standard (though probably never to be repeated).
  I was nervous about the altitude and the feeling of being winded all the time like I was while pregnant with Molly. But oh what a blessing not to feel any of that, at all. I didn't push myself much but still it was so nice to have oxygen. My dad also came up with us, so despite the fact that vacation is still living and still a lot of work, it was nice to be able to say, "Hey Sean, go to Grandpa" or "Dad can you carry Sean?" There were more adults than kids for the first time in so long and what a great blessing that was that I really used.
 I wasn't prepared for the AWFUL sleep we got throughout the entire vacation. The first night was the worst and I ended up, after battling Julia and Sean from 1-3am, sleeping on a thin futon mat on the laundry room floor with Julia, while Joe tried to get Sean back to sleep in the bedroom. Who knew that a nightlight could be so vital/detrimental to everyone in the room. The other nights weren't quite as bad but still not fun. Night two was a little better, Sean woke at 4 am and was up until nap time. AGHHHH, at least I was successful in keeping Molly asleep until 6, miraculous.  Again, blessings each day kept us awake and energized to play.
  We spent time at one of the lakes nearby, in the creek behind the cabin, swinging in the hammock (not so easy to exit being so pregnant), going on hikes to gorgeous waterfalls, eating, playing, laughing, and enjoying family. Oh and I learned why it's not a good idea to throw rocks around other people. I was sitting on a rock near the creek and decided to skip a rock. I chose one, kinda too big to skip but... I thought that it might be a bad angle even though the creek was clear in front of me and threw it. Well my fingers held on a little too long, and whoosh through the air. It flew right towards my mother-in-law and hit her, right on the cheek bone. Yup, less than an inch from her eye. She's a professional artist, her eyes are everything. She was black and blue instantly. It's still a HUGE nasty yellow bruise. That wasn't what I wanted to do. So be careful when you throw rocks.
 Back to the beginning, we did not come home with Lotz #5.
 Here's so photos.

Say cheese

     I love photographs, but it seems as the kids have gotten older (and more numerous) I have taken fewer and fewer photos. I just forget to get out the camera most days and even on some kind of special days. But when there is so much going on, something has to give right? I am going to try to take more photos, I just have to figure out where to put the camera so that it is convenient for me to get and remember and not so easy for little fingers to get. They are great at taking random shots of whatever but it has already cost me one camera and I don't need to add that to the list of things to buy/replace. Here are some fun ones of our adventures recently.

Boat captain Julia, just lounging around.

Our three "cutest show" actresses. Molly was there early and got one of the two mermaid costumes. The others were super jealous. Cassidy had a hard time being convinced that there weren't more mermaid costumes and settled on waving a wand and being a pink mermaid. I love the nemo on Julia's head.

We recently went to the fair with the parents and before we started off I made sure to take a photo of the girls, just in case. I remember going to the zoo and coming across a mom looking for her child. I asked her what the child was wearing and she had a hard time remembering, that stuck with me, to try and avoid the inevitable fog when panicking over a missing child. So now we do photos as we embark. I made the girls wear their matching shirts and with the parents also in pastel they looked so cute. We had a blast and almost bought some chickens on the spot. :) Coming soon.

Finally a photo of Julia's hair cut. The bangs have finally evened out and the bob is so cute, and easy. She is still such a sweet heart except when she gets her attitude going. I love her hugs and she's still little so I can hold her pretty easily still and she's just like a koala. She is the first of the kids to get freckles. Just a handful across her checks and nose. I love it.

Here's Sean's recent haircut. I think it makes him look so much older. He is such a fun little guy. Recently he has been kicking around the soccer ball a bunch. It is so fun to watch him always set up behind the ball, facing the direction he's going to kick it to, and then watch him throw himself into the kick. It's way to young to say he is gifted in soccer but he sure does like it and is pretty consistent in his motion for a 22 month old. Wow, 22 months, crazy. It's been such a treat to be able to see this age 18-22 months without the presence of an infant. I can't do all that I'd like to being 34 weeks pregnant right now but it's more time than I had with any of the girls. He is into giving kisses lately and will make an "uh uh" noise when he feels so inclined as to bestow a kiss or if he needs a kiss on a hurt. He is so much FUN!!!!

So this mom baboon is protecting her month old baby from the other under one year olds who like to come and try and rip it off the mom. They tried it in front of us. I felt the mom's annoyance and knew her response, "Get off the baby!!"           While all that was going on, the dominant male in the group decided he had enough audience around to have a live demonstration of mating in the zoo 101. Thankfully the girls were oblivious to it so we didn't have to have the monkeys and birds and bees conversation just yet.

The kids waiting to see the elephants get fed. It wasn't much of a show. But the docent taught the kids that the baby elephants eat poop to help them stay healthy (I forget the full reason). Thanks.

We drove out to Pro Bass Shops a few weekends ago to do their free indoor catch-and-release fishing thing. There was about a 45 minute wait just to get up to the pond, then another 20 minutes of trying to coax those not-so-dumb catfish to bite a worm on a hook for the 15th time. After a 'guide' caught one we had all the girls take a photo instead of waiting for the other two to catch something. Julia freaked a little and in the end it was fun. The girls did remarkable considering the wait in line and the drive out and then all. So we rewarded them with half a can of soda on the ride home.

While the girls and Joe waited in line I took Sean around the store and found the recliners. Ooh, and this lovely camouflage one has various message settings. We hunkered down for about 20 minutes. It was nice to just relax while the others waited. Oh yeah, this is definitely pre-haircut. He looks a lot like his cousin in this photo. I just noticed that.

So right before we moved our bees, sniff sniff, we harvested much of the honey. It was an awesome harvest considering it was the first week of May. The honey was lighter in color and flavor then last year's harvest. It is DELICIOUS. We are enjoying it. We have missed our bees but it has been so much easier working in the confines of our garden without them. But it has been so much harder to make the trek to the property where they are with four kids and work them out there. But the bees are surviving, though not thriving quite like they did here, but they are alive. I fear that with so many of our neighbors employing pest companies (and seeing how much chemicals those companies spray everywhere) it was only a matter of time before all the chemicals started to affect our girls. Those sprays can wipe out a colony in no time. Super sad. So maybe disaster was averted by moving them.

The girls love story time. I only wish it didn't put me to sleep. I have to remember, instead of counting sheep I just need to read out loud and I am out in no time.

Molly in her last day of swim class. She didn't learn how to swim strokes but she is now able to stay afloat without her vest. We make her practice a little bit almost every time we go in the parents' pool. The kids love having that pool around. Just large enough to play but small enough to feel like you are only an arms length away.

Dads can be such funny guys. Smart phones make them even more interesting.

We took the kids out to Mormon Helping Hand again this year. It was great. We got to play in the dirt at a local library and the kids made a good friend with one of the young women in our ward. I love that they are learning service as a family and ward. Aren't those the cutest little helpers??